It’s amazing how much accidentally injuring yourself hurts compared to when you self harm
I feel like it would be too selfish to talk to anyone about this.
The phrase “I cut myself” can be rather confusing
It can mean “I did cut myself”
It can mean “I do cut myself”
And you never know which
I ordered them online. 10 double-edged razor blades for 99p with about 20p shipping. Practically free.
They came in a small box-told my mum they were ink cartridges.
And sharp, they are oh so sharp.
I’ve never understood how anyone could be satisfied with blades from pencil sharpeners.
It’s been so long I’d almost forgotten how.
It took a lot of cuts to make one deep enough to satisfy me.
I want to cut so bad right now
Not that you even know about that
And you never will
I think I’ll just bunk lessons and spend them with someone you hate
Have a bit of a cry to them and tell them everything I never told you
I won’t, I can’t hurt you
You knew why you were upset. You pretended you didn’t. You lied to me.
You were crying. The bitch didn’t turn up to last lesson.
That’s when her boyfriend tells the teacher she was with you.
Crying to her and telling her what you hadn’t even begun to tell me.
So you tell me.
But it doesn’t matter because you’ve already confided in that fucking slut.
You’re meant to be my boyfriend for fuck’s sake.
So outside I was like “What?” and “I don’t know what you’re talking about”
and inside I’m all like
FUCK NO WHAT MY LIFE IS OVER FUCK SHIT FUCK OFF HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN ABOUT THIS WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU BRING THAT UP HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW THAT I’M SO CAREFUL, ALWAYS COVERED, NEVER MENTION IT WHAT THE FUCK I DON’T UNDERSTAND HELP ME I’M DYING MY LIFE IS OVER HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT WHY DO YOU LIKE ME EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW THIS OH HOLY SHIT WHAT AM I GOING TO DO HE KNOWS AND NOW I KNOW HE KNOWS I’M NOT SAFE I CAN NEVER TRUST HIM AGAIN PLEASE KILL ME I CAN’T HANDLE THIS
“Your left arm. You always have it covered. But I’ve seen. I’m scared for you. I want to help.”
OH MY JEEZUS YOU WANT TO HELP? WELL IF I WANTED YOUR HELP I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU! IF THERE WAS ANY WAY YOU COULD HELP MAYBE I WOULD HAVE WANTED YOU TO KNOW BUT I DIDN’T.
My scars are hurting. It’s like my body misses the cuts.
If I haven’t dropped a pound in the morning I’m going to be pissed
My total calorie intake for the past two days has totaled 109 and I have burned 3078 so I should have a net calorie deficit of 2969.
Yet still I remain 117 lbs.